I don't think that anybody goes into their first (or any) marriage with the idea "I hope this works out, but if not no big deal!" Everybody wants to be married forever and everybody thinks it's going to last forever, but in reality that is not always going to happen. I looked through my Facebook friend list the other day and I saw couples that just won't make it for the long haul. Maybe I am wrong and they will surprise me, but for some reason people are pretty open with me and seek advice from me. Imagine that!!! They ask the divorced girl for advice! Ha! I have come to accept my destiny and that my "first marriage" may not be my last. But hey, maybe it will because I do not really see getting married again in my future.
I was once young and native and that's exactly what I had in mind until he left me for another woman to start a new family. My advice would be to make sure that when you marry someone that you see past what YOU want and try to find out what the other person REALLY wants out of life and marriage. I am a prime example that just because one person is in it forever, doesn't mean that it will really last forever. You just cannot control what another person thinks and feels. People grow and people change. I know that I am not the same person I was at 23 years old when I got married and I definitely want different things out of a life-partner now than I did when I was in my early 20's. Would I have ever left him? No. Is he the kind of person that I would have wanted to spend my entire life with? Probably not because I have grown and my needs have changed, but I made a commitment and I would have seen it though. I know that I am pretty much the first of my friends to get a divorce, but I surly will not be the last. When I feel like I am an outsider or damaged goods I remember that there are lots of people I love and admire that are divorced and since I am a celebrity in my own mind (kidding, but not kidding) I think of my fellow celebs that are divorced and desired and are highly successful. Think about it: Jennifer Lopez (x3), Britney Spears (x2), Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Kim Kardashian (x2), Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie (x2), Eva Longoria (x2), Kate Winslet (x2), Marilyn Monroe (x3), Barbara Walters (x4), Sandra Bullock, Christina Aguilera, Heidi Klum, Katy Perry, Demi Moore (x2) and I could go on and on and on. As silly as it sounds it's comforting to know that people go through this all the time and can still come out on top. It's still sad. Going through a divorce is like mourning a death. It takes time and although you may never fully recover or still may long for what could have been you get over it and learn how to deal.
Because a few people have asked I will just go ahead and say it here to answer any questions. . . No, my divorce is not yet final. Yes, I know it's been 2+ years now and it's a little ridiculous. The paperwork was not filed until April 2012 and then was not delivered to me until June 2012, so I had no chance to reply or respond. Obviously, he's known for doing things behind my back, so why would him filing and withholding the paperwork from me be any different?!?
I have decided that I am not going to submit any response to anything and I am letting a judge force the divorce and sign off on it. It may come off as me "holding on" or "being difficult," but the truth is that divorce just wasn't in the plans for me. I don't feel comfortable signing divorce papers because I don't believe in it. Maybe if we were having marriage problems or if it was a mutual thing I would feel different. He has done everything behind my back and he's been sneaky every step of the way. I still haven't had one single questions as to "why" answered from him, so I don't feel like I should have to sign or agree when my questions are unanswered.
I do take comfort in that IF (big HUGE if) I do remarry it can only benefit me to be able to say that the divorce was not only not my idea, but that I never signed the papers because it's not what I believed in.
No comments:
Post a Comment