This Post is Depressing. . .

. . .  you've been for warned.  There comes a point in this whole process where I have come to a crossroads. Part of me wants to feel like a strong and courageous woman that just needs to bust out Destiny's Child "Survivor." And, the other part of me just wants to cry. Oh, and trust me. . . I.Have.Cried.
I want to be proud that I have come so far and done all of this on my own and then I realize. I am on my own. Nobody helps me. Everything I do is just that, I do it ALL. It kind of feels like a single mom syndrome or something. I take care of everybody else, but who takes care of me? I do everything for everybody else and who does things for me?
All I want is when I am sick and throwing up for someone to get me a blanket or something to drink. When I am laying on the couch and I am too tired to let the dogs outside I just want someone to do it for me. I guess I just never expected that I would be alone. This definitely wouldn't have been the life I'd pick. I wouldn't have picked being a homeowner, working full-time (and then some) an then bring 3 animals into the equation on top of that.
There is so much stress regarding work next year and school. I have no idea if I will have a job next year. I probably won't know for a few months, so that doesn't settle well. And, school. How in the heck am I going to pay for school?!? How do people do it? How do they work and take care of all their responsibilities and go to school at the same time? It stresses me out just to think about it all.
I know I should be super excited. . .  I mean I qualified for this house 100% on my own with NO help (not even emotional support really) from anybody. I am just days away from closing, but it still doesn't feel as good as I thought. I owe more than I thought I would and my payment is higher than I thought it would be. I know I'll manage ( I always do) but so much about life is unsettling.
I know that the divorce papers are in the works and I am just waiting to be served. It's an unsettling feeling, even thought I know it's coming and it doesn't make it feel any easier. I feel like I cannot even talk to people about it because I get reactions like... "GOOD", "About time!" blah .... blah.... blah. Honestly, people can say whatever they want, but it actually makes it harder on me and they are not making me feel better, it makes me feel worse.
Of course, I want all of this to be over. It's going to be a huge relief and I am ready to move on, but the pain is still there. It's like if you have a family member dying of cancer and you cry when they die. Then someone says to you . . . "Well, don't you want them to be in a better place and out of pain and misery?" It's like DUH you want them to be out of their pain and misery, but it doesn't make it any easier or make you cry any less. It hurts. It sucks.  I feel like I am in the same situation.