I have yet to pick up my journal to write it in since that dreadful day in 2010. It even pains me just to read it. I started this journal in January of 2006 - just 2 weeks before Alex and I met. I don't remember life before him, so when I say my entire life is in this journal it's really what I mean. I picked it up to read it tonight . . . I've been looking though stuff to take to my classroom and I came across it tonight. I wasn't able to read more than 50 words before I was sitting on the floor of my office, with a tear rolling down my cheek. I had to put it away- I just had to. As I went to put it back on the shelf a piece of paper fell out. Now mind you, I NEVER share this journal or it's entries with ANYBODY, but I thought maybe I would start. Besides what's a blog for... ? To release it all, right?
11-2-07
"I want to be everything to my husband. I always want him to look at me with the love in his eyes like he did at the very beginning. I want him to feel that I am the most wonderful, awe inspiring woman on the planet and if that ever stops it will be it for us and it will be the worst feeling in the world."
1 comment:
:o( You were blindsided, and led on by someone who is not right in the head. You are an amazing woman. Josh and I were talking about how amazing you are tonight. You are the most beautiful you have ever been, and you seem to be the happiest I have ever seen you. There was something very....plastic about him....not real. And I think maybe it kept you from being true to yourself....(This is my outsider looking in approach here, Please don't take it the wrong way....I really think YOU are incredible, and you got caught up in someone who is a total mess under his candy coating)
Keep your head up, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD do NOT blame YOURSELF for ANY OF THIS!!!!
You are a CATCH Kristina, and I see you marrying a man that will make us all jealous!
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