Dear Mr. Spider.....

Dear Mr. Spider,
I had big plans for this evening. I was going to grade some papers, take a walk with the dogs, run some errands. And then I saw you, there, on the wall. Just hanging out with your smug attitude. Normally in situations like these I would summon my husband, but he wasn’t home. So I put on my big girl panties and got the vacuum. That’s when you regrettably decided to move into an unknown location. Not cool, Spider. Not. Cool. I’m giving you approximately an hour to vacate the premises. I’ve left the front door open for you.
Cordially,
Kristina

Mr. Spider,
Well, here it is, two hours later, and you haven’t left out the front door. I know, because I have been standing on this chair watching for you the entire time. I even gave you an extra hour as you probably move slow on account of your freakishly gigantic size. We appear to be at a crossroads. So you can either leave now, or I will be forced to vacuum every nook and cranny of this home, and that sounds really labor intensive. Please, just leave. I’m tired of standing on this chair.
Not playing,
Kristina